Why isn’t Santa Claus a horror icon?

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How has this not happened yet? Seriously, how does a mentally disabled kid who gets drowned in a lake, a child molester and a psychopath who escapes from a mental hospital all become legends in the horror genre while the jolly old fat guy, who sneaks into our homes while we are sleeping every year, not even get a single good horror film? Sure, we saw a madman dress up as Saint Nick in Silent Night, Deadly Night go around and skewer naked women with dear antlers, but that’s not what I’m talking about here! I’m talking about Santa Claus, the man with a creepy little army of elves and a flying sled powered by blood thirsty reindeer, that guy.

I get it, there’s not a whole lot of interest during this time of year for the horror genre, but that’s only because we haven’t been treated to a flick worth watching yet. The Finnish film Rare Exports is probably the closest we’ve ever come to seeing a truly terrifying Santa, but the problem with that film was that it was Finnish and nobody saw the damn thing. There have been six Leprechaun movies with one currently in development, and you mean to tell me that a mystical man who keeps a list of naughty children hasn’t been able to string together any good horror films? What gives?

It’s not even a hard concept to come up with. A Santa Claus horror movie pretty much writes itself. Throw some solid talent behind it with a decent budget and I guarantee people would line up to watch Kris Kringle paint the theaters red each and every year. Obviously, it’s going to need some big names if it’s going to get everyone’s attention; so with that in mind, hand the job over to James Wan because he has become a household name in the genre and cast Jeff Bridges as the titular character and you tell me who wouldn’t want to watch that. Okay, so that will probably never happen, but there’s no denying the amount of potential a film like this could have with some solid talent behind it.

Maybe it’s because I’m currently balls deep in snow, but right now a good horror movie centering on an evil Santa that delivers a lot more than presents sounds like a pretty damn good idea to me. So make it happen already, Hollywood.

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If you are ever attacked by a gorilla just sit back and relax while you enjoy the once in a life time feeling of your limbs being ripped off.

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