Let’s take a quick break from horror films and direct our attention to the real life terrors of the world. The ocean covers 71 percent of the Earth’s surface and contains 97 percent of the planet’s water, yet more than 95 percent of the underwater world remains unexplored. And that right there is why I keep my ass out of the ocean—If I can avoid becoming some sea creature from hell’s happy meal, I’m certainly going to.
I know what you’re thinking—this has to be bullshit, right? Well, it’s not, no matter how much we want it to be. Six years ago an underwater camera on an oil drilling rig caught a glimpse of what is known as a Magnapinna squid. It was nearly a mile and half beneath the surface of the water where it feeds on the souls of those unfortunate enough to be caught in its blue hell. The squid has been nicknamed “Bigfin” because of its ridiculously massive winglike fins which take up nearly 90% of its body. As if that wasn’t bad enough, its tentacles are among the largest of any species of squid—around 30 feet or so in length—and that right there, folks, is a deep sea creature that only nightmares are made of.
There isn’t a whole lot known about these soul stealing squids as very few have ever been captured, although over the last decade with increased technology more and more images and videos of these creatures are coming to light. So there you have it, the Magnapinna squid, a sea creature that’s totally not an alien and totally didn’t crash its spaceship into the ocean where it now lives, waiting, feeding, plotting against humanity.